Urge is the word.
It rings in my head, with a sound reverberating with innocence, like an infant's smile that comes unbidden and a delightful surprise!
After ages, no millenia, no what seems like aeons, im finally writing something that isn't a project report,a photo comment, a testimonial, or, for that matter, a mail.
I feel free again, to exercise, no exploit my right to freedom of expression.
Only a few months back, it was routine for me to just sit down and doodle arbit stuff, stuff i felt about, stuff i did not feel about feel about, stuff i did not know how i felt about.
Anything and everything under the sun came under my casual scrutiny at the end of a long day of physics,chemistry and math(well not really, but i kinda like the impression THAT leaves!).
I was a critic,a commentator,an artist,an analyst, a cricketer, I switched roles like babies swap nappies!
I felt the whole world pass through me, like even the mighty xerxes army had to, through that small mountain pass in 300( whoever remembers a freakin ancient greek name?).
I felt everything in the world, interesting and otherwise, melt down to one thing...my opinion.
I was god.
But as physics,chemistry and math leapfrogged out of my life(I joined IIT Bombay), a sickening blanket of complacency slowly slid in, and i was unwittingly drawn under its deceptive warmth, slowly caving in to feeling good about oneself, without actually having done anything in the least worthwhile( in the absolute sense, ofcourse...relative grading holds only good as far as my 6.48 of a CPI).
I grew lazy, not to the undiscerning eye(i did join the athletics team), but inwardly, and the gears of the mean machine i believe myself to be slowly started gathering rust, enthusiasm levels dipped, and everything i had planned out for myself as an IITian fell into a seemingly unretrievable pit.
Lets veer slightly off track now, but you will see it fits in in the end:
When the Apollo 13 spacecraft, devoid of half its oxygen and fuel, and carrying 3 very brave astronauts(atleast the movie portrays them so, and Tom Hanks does rock, on earth and beyond!) moved into the dark side of the moon( they used the gravitational sling method to get the fuel-less craft back home..watch the movie, its worth it), they lost all contact with the only forms of life we know of...earthlings.
There was absolute muteness in the time that they were invisible, and anything might have transpired and we wouldnt ever have known.
But hope held firm, and they came around, and eventually home just fine!
My story isnt very different, though i dont CLAIM to be half as handsome as Tom Hanks!
I'm back!
And the only thing I feel indebted to, for getting me off my literary rear is the surprisingly negligible control we have over our more humane tendencies....the whims of the sub-conscious!
Thank you, Mr. Urge, for putting me back on track.
I do not know how to thank you, but if the quality of one's writing is anything to go by,and the standard default assumption that I'm overtly optimistic in every circumstance barring the end-sems, I think you will find your debt well paid!
Ameya the awesome(wannabe or not, i dont care!),
signing off!
